Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
