Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
