and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
