We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
