"it" just moved
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got copblocked.
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
