we're chasing vodka with high fives
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My life is pants optional.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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