I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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