Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
