I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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