she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
