what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize