Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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