did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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