Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
