I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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