They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The uberlube is also flammable
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
