Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
