Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
