OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
