I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
