Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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