i just google imaged poop.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
