Define "chronic" masturbator.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
