grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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