I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
