In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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