I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
