I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
