True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
