I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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