By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
