Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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