why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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