She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
