well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
