i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
