I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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