my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
