i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
