let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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