I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
