i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
