why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
