so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
