i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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