You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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