I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
