last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize