Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
