I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How naked do you want me to be?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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