oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
