he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
