This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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