Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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