literally had 100 drinks last night.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
