I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
