it wasn't lemon gatorade
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
