I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize