i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
