best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize