this beer tastes like vomit already
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
