Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
