If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
