Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize