I just pynch a tree in the face
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
