I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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