do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
