Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
