sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
