Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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