Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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