dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
