my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
