life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
