Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
